I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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