Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
