he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
