I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
