she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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