he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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