It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
