I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
i now understand why vodka
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
