she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I need a hoe opinion
go on
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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