I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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