So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
