Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
