You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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