shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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