At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
