after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
