its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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