You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
