Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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