I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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