watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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