All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
