the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You don't make any sense
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