Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
