You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
