i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
