1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
