you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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