There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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