So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
