My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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