I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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