remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
