i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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