I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
