My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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