the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
