oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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