Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
