We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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