I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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