Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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