When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
