it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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