I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
