I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Im just a social blackout drinker.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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