his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize