he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
