she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize