if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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