i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Randomize
