Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize