I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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