bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
