I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
