The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Randomize
