The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
