the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
