I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
