I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
