Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
