Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
