I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
