Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
