Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize