First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
