Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
