You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
