my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
