Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
well you can't waste a boner
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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