I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
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