New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize