Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
