I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
