i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
