Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
