Im at strip club and am horny
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
We got so high we made milksteak
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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