Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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