I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
