jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
